Getting married is the most important day of your life. It is your big day, arguably the happiest day of your life so far. Yet sometimes there is a blip on the potential for happiness, a dark mark, a creature that is rapidly swarming forwards to suck all joy out of your wedding plans: The Momzilla. Yes, dear mother. She’s always been there to make you eat your greens, tidy your room and… pick your wedding dress? Nope, that just won’t work. Your wedding day is just that- your wedding day. So join me as I list the two main species of Momzilla and how best to tackle them.

The Helper
Don’t be misled by the name of this species. The Helper Momzilla sounds lovely- an extra pair of hands when you need them; a solid rock in a raging swirl of chaos. However, be careful that she doesn’t get too over enthusiastic. This is the Momzilla that will tell you exactly what to do and when. And where. And how. You take her to your dress fittings and she will shoehorn you into the biggest monstrosity in the shop, declaring that “you look like a fairy princess”. Which is all well and good if you want to look like a fairy princess. What if you were trying more Grecian goddess or Hepburn elegance?

This is particularly a problem if the Momzilla has contributed money to your wedding fund- she figures that as she is paying for it, she should get some say in the matter. The Helper Momzilla is also prone to competition. “Oh but Sarah next door had white roses. You don’t want silly little carnations”. So how do you deal with this?

The good thing about this Momzilla is that she wants to help. Yes, I know that’s the bad thing too but hear me out. She is so excited, so proud and pleased for you that she is trying to help in any way she can. She may get a bit carried away, admittedly, but she’s not doing this maliciously. The best way to deal with her is to remind her gently that it is your wedding day- you’re delighted that she’s so enthusiastic, but she has to remember not to overshadow your choices.

Give her little jobs that you trust her with- baking the cake or sending out the invitations. This will make her feel valued and involved without the need to give her opinion on anything. Of course if she has contributed it’s a little more difficult. In that case, instead of giving her free reign to voice her thoughts, narrow her options down. Present her with photographs of three wedding dresses that you love and ask her which she prefers. This way, she is still having her say but you have more control over her decisions.

Just give her a glue stick and a whole load of fabric flowers and she’ll be fine.

The Hater
This species sounds scary. Rightly so, for if you get on the wrong side of her she can be terrifying. As soon as you announce the guest list, you’ll hear her snorting “Well, I don’t know why you’re inviting Aunt Doris. I won’t be going if that woman’s there” or “You’d better not sit me anywhere near your father. I’d gladly never see him again” or even to go as far as “I can’t believe you’re marrying the scumbag. He’ll cause you nothing but trouble, I swear”.

Yes, this Momzilla is not the most loving of species and she’s certainly not afraid to show it. So how do you cope if your mom hates your guests, family or, even worse, your fiance?

The first is easy to placate. Respectfully tell your mum that as it is your day and you want to invite certain people. Remind her that there are going to be lots of guests and that she will barely see Aunt Doris, let alone have to talk to her. When it comes to drawing up the seating plan, ensure that she is as far away from Doris as possible and think about assigning an attendant the job of keeping an eye on them to make sure they are kept apart.

This gets a little more tricky if she and your father are separated. She hasn’t seen him for ten years and if it was up to her she would never see him again. Now, not only does she have to see him but his new wife and kids will be there along with Momzilla’s new husband. This sounds like a recipe for disaster as it is. When you consider that they will both be sitting on the top table… oh dear! However, it is now becoming more and more common for couples to do away with a top table altogether. Set up a sweetheart table for just you and your new husband. Not only will this mean
your parents are kept apart but you can also have some valuable time chatting to your groom.

Speaking of whom, what if Momzilla hates the groom? This is where it gets really difficult. Your mom loves you and just wants the best for you. Remember how she hated John Clements when you were 15? You didn’t listen to her and she was right about him all along. But you’re not 15 anymore. You’re an adult and you know that your fiance is the right man for you. There is nothing you can do here but sit her down and explain that you love him. Tell her why you love him and some of the things he has done for you, but listen to her points too. She may have some valid reasons. In the end, though, it is your life and your decision.

The overall rule to remember with The Hater Momzilla is to keep her away from anyone she may clash with and keep her sweet with chocolate-dipped strawberries.

Follow this guide and you are sure to beat any form of Momzilla that comes your way. Good luck!