So you have decided you want to spend the rest of your lives together, but can't decide how to spend your wedding day together? This is a commondilemma for many couples.  One wants the full fairytale, complete with six tier cake and formal sit down wedding, while the other wants to elope and marry barefoot on a tropical beach somewhere.  Finding a compromise can be frustrating and stressful, and certainly not a great start to your nuptials.  Here are some tips on how to find a common ground and design a wedding that you will both love.

First, sit down and write about your ideal wedding.  Where would you have it?  Who would be there? What elements have you always dreamed of?  Now compare notes.  If there are any similarities seize these quickly!  Perhaps you both want an evening wedding, or have always imagined a wedding full of roses.  Create a new list and add these ideas to the top.  Next work through each element of your individual ideal wedding scenarios and talk about your reasons for and against them.  Be calm and respectful, or this could quickly escalate into a full scale argument!

It can help to categorize your negative and positive reasons into categories, for example emotional, financial and social.  Emotional reasons are normally the most difficult to compromise on because they have formed a crucial part of how you have envisioned your wedding.  Perhaps getting married in a church is particularly important to your feelings about your faith?  These issues should be dealt with sensitivity but also a sense of realism.

The majority of couples will have to wrestle with financial factors and work their ideal wedding into a budget, and this can cause friction when one half wants to save and the other wants to splurge.  While it's true that you may only get one wedding, is one day more important than financial security for your new life together?  Releasing two dozen white doves might feature strongly in your mental picture for the day, but if your budget is tight then this is an area that you could let go. 

Social factors might include elements that you only have in your ideal wedding plans because of friends of family. For example you might not want to elope because it would upset your parents.  While it is admirable to consider your loved ones in your wedding plans, never forget that the most important people at a wedding are the bride and groom.

When you both have a list of your tops "wants" and "don't wants" try to compromise.  Will he sacrifice the tartan cummerbunds if you will give up the poetry readings?  If you are a fun loving couple you can even put each element onto flashcards and barter with them. "I will give you the horse and carriage and the ice sculpture, if you will give me the bubble confetti."

Lastly, consider how important each part of the wedding is compared to your partner's happiness.  At the end of the day it is not how you get married, but why that matters.