The man you love takes you to a romantic spot, gets down on one knee and whispers the words you have been waiting to hear..."Will you marry me?"  He holds out a small velvet box, flips open the top and your breath catches at the sight of...the most hideous diamond ring you have ever seen in your life!  What to do, what to do?

There are only two roads to take and the one you choose depends on several factors.  

Option 1: 'Fess up.

If you honestly can’t imagine going through life in yellow gold when a white gold or platinum ring has been a lifelong dream, or with a pear shaped stone when you only ever gaze at princess cut rocks in the jeweler's window, take a deep breath and tell him.  Gently! 

Consider your fiancé’s personality and temperament.  Are his feelings hurt easily?  Do the two of you communicate well?   If he chose it by himself -- which no man with sense should ever do -- he may have spent weeks or months agonizing, saving, and worrying about whether or not you’d accept his proposal.  No doubt he planned the presentation down to the minute, waiting for a special occasion or special place that is important to the both of you.  Appreciate the effort that went into his choice, and start out by letting him know how much it means to you that he picked the ring himself.

Or perhaps he has given you an heirloom ring that has been passed down to him from his mother or grandmother.  In this case, there is a sentimental and political minefield to bemaneuvered , not only between you and your fiance but also with his family, who may be offended if you try to buy a new ring.  It is important to be diplomatic and sensitive.

When you tell him, present him with an alternative rather than just saying you don’t like the ring.  Point out the style of jewelry you usually wear or explain that you would rather wear a ring that was unique for your partnership and signified the start of a fresh, new life together.  Suggest that spending time when the two of you can choose a ring together will be a special and romantic experience that you were hoping to share with him.

Be prepared for a certain amount of pouting or maybe even some momentary anger, but if you explain your feelings in a loving way, he’s likely to get over it quickly.  He might even surprise you by being eager to return it for a ring you will truly love.

Option 2: Grin and bear it...for the rest of your life.

Obviously, the alternative is to keep the ring and hope that you learn to love it over time, particularly if it’s a family heirloom.  More important than the style of the stone or the metal the band is made from is the love he felt when he gave it to you and the fact that the two of you are planning to share the rest of your life together.